Creating a Calm Space for Tamariki

Creating a Calm Space for Tamariki

Big emotions are part of our tamariki development. But for our tamariki, those feelings can sometimes show up in intense ways, including frustration, worry, sadness, even full-on meltdowns. It’s completely normal… and can be really tough (for them and for us!).

One really powerful (and pretty simple) way we can help is by creating a calm space, a cosy, little quiet place where they can go to regulate, reset, and just breathe.

What is a Calm Space and Why Does it Help?

A calm space is a dedicated spot in your home where your tamaiti can go when their emotions feel too big to manage. It’s not a time-out or punishment. Think of it as a soft little circuit-breaker for overwhelming moments.

These kinds of spaces help our tamariki:

  • Feel safe when emotions are strong
  • Learn how to self-regulate with time
  • Build a sense of ownership over their feelings and needs
  • Feel supported rather than sent away

Just knowing they have a place to go can make tamariki feel more secure.

Set It Up When Everyone’s Calm

The best time to create a calm space? When your child is feeling settled. That way, it’s something you do together, not something that suddenly appears when things go wrong.

Here’s a prompt you could try:

“Sometimes our feelings get really big, hey? How would you feel about helping me make a little space where you can go when you’re feeling sad, angry, or just a bit wobbly?”

Involving them builds a sense of choice and ownership; it becomes their space.

Choosing a Space That Works

It doesn’t need to be fancy. It doesn’t even need to be a separate room. Just a spot that feels quiet, safe, and theirs.

Think:

  • A corner of the lounge or their bedroom with a cushion and blanket, or maybe a beanbag
  • A nook under a loft bed
  • A small pop-up tent or teepee

Let them help decide where it will be.

What to Include (Nothing Fancy Needed!)

You don’t need to spend lots, many of the best calming tools are things you already have at home. The key is creating a space that feels comforting and soothing to their senses.

Ideas tamariki might enjoy:

  • A favourite soft toy or blanket
  • Colouring books and crayons
  • Fidget toys or a stress ball
  • A pukapuka (picture book) they love
  • Bubbles or a pinwheel for practising deep breathing
  • Headphones with quiet music or white noise

Ask your tamaiti:

“What helps you feel calmer when you’re upset? Would you like to put some of those things here?”

Some of Our Favourite Additions

If you’re looking for extra tools that support emotional awareness and calming strategies, here are some of our go-to resources:

Teaching Tamariki How to Use the Space

Once it’s set up, practise using it together - don’t wait for the next meltdown. Make it part of everyday life.

You could say:

“Let’s go hang out in your calm space, we don’t have to be upset to use it.”

Try these kōrero prompts to build emotional awareness and trust:

“When you’re feeling angry or sad, what might help you feel a little bit better?”
 
“Can you show me what your breathing sounds like when you’re calming down?”

“What colour do you feel like today? What colour would you feel if you were calm?”

When They’re Upset

If your child is mid-meltdown, gently remind them that the space is there:

“This is a big feeling. Want to come into your calm space with me?”

Some tamariki will want to be alone. Others will want company. There’s no right or wrong, just follow their cues and remind them that you’re there for them.

Some Other Resources We Love

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