Starting School: Supporting a Smooth and Gentle Transition

Starting School: Supporting a Smooth and Gentle Transition

Starting school is one of the biggest milestones in our tamariki’s early lives. It’s exciting, a little nerve-wracking, and full of change - for them and us!

Some tamariki run through the school gates with a backpack twice their size and never look back… while some others cling tightly, unsure and wide-eyed. Both are completely normal.

Now remember this bit, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to beginning school, but there are ways we can ease the transition and support our tamariki to feel ready, confident, and connected - regardless of where they’re at.

School Readiness: More Than Counting to 20

School readiness isn’t about whether your tamaiti can write their name or read simple words. It’s more about how they’re doing socially and emotionally.

Ask yourself:

  • Can they express their needs and feelings?
  • Sit and listen for short periods?
  • Work through small challenges or ask for help when they need it?
  • Play alongside other tamariki (even if they’re still learning to share)?

If not quite yet, that’s okay. These skills continue developing well into their first years at school. Knowing where your child is at just helps guide how you can support them in those early days.

Anxiety is Normal

Even tamariki who seem excited can feel wobbly once school starts. It’s a big shift - new routines, new people, new rules. Signs of anxiety might include:

  • Trouble sleeping or more frequent tummy aches
  • Becoming quieter or withdrawn
  • Tearful or clingy drop-offs
  • Avoiding talking about school

These feelings are common and usually temporary. How we support them through this change can make a huge difference to how safe and confident they feel.

Strategies to Support a Positive Start

1. Talk About It Early (and Often)

Bring school into everyday conversation in a relaxed, positive way:

“Soon you’ll have your own desk like a big kid!”
“Your kaiako might read stories like your teacher at kindy does.”

Sometimes children show their worries indirectly, through play or questions. Follow their lead, keep it light, and answer honestly.

2. Explore the School with Friends

Before official school visits, take a casual trip with a friend who’ll also be starting school (or even an older sibling). Head along on the weekend or after school hours and:

  • Play on the school playground
  • Walk around the grounds
  • Spot familiar spaces together

Doing this with a buddy makes the environment feel less intimidating and helps tamariki imagine starting school with someone they already know.

3. Involve Them in Getting Ready

Letting your child help choose their lunchbox, fill their pencil case, or pick their bag gives them ownership of this big change. Packing their school gear together the night before can also become a calming ritual you share.

You could also do a trip to the grocery store and let them pick out some of the kai you’ll pack. It doesn’t need to be complicated, offer them the choices of a pear or apples, blueberry or choc chip muffins - just little options to gain give them a sense of ownership over this change and give them something to look forward to.

4. Give a Little Token of Connection

Sometimes tamariki just need a reminder that they’re still close to you, even when apart. We love using The Invisible String by Patrice Karst to support this kōrero.

Some little token ideas:

  • A small bracelet
  • A pebble or charm in their pocket
  • A little heart drawn on their hand

Let them choose it with you - it’s a tangible way of saying “I’m with you and I love you”

5. Make an after-school plan

Together with your tamaiti make a plan around where you’re going to meet them after school and what you’ll be doing for the afternoon. 

We highly recommend a weekly planner that can be kept on the fridge, especially if each day can look a little different - this supports your child to know what to expect, which in turn reduces anxiety.

6. Keep Goodbyes Short and Positive

Long, drawn-out goodbyes can make it harder. A quick cuddle, confident “I love you, I’ll see you after school,” and walking away with calm assurance shows your child that school is a safe, trusted place.

7. Keep Afternoons Calm

Starting school is exhausting for tamariki. After school, they might need snacks, quiet time, or just cuddles on the couch. Avoid overloading afternoons with extra activities, at least at first.

Talking Prompts to Try

Use these to gently open kōrero about starting school:

“What do you think your classroom might look like?”

“Is there anything you’re excited about at school?”

“What would help if you feel a bit nervous?”

“Do you want to draw what your first day might be like?”

Sometimes they might not want to talk, and that’s okay. Being present and available often says enough.

If It’s Feeling Harder Than Expected

Some tamariki need more time or extra support to adjust. You know your child best, trust your instincts.

If you notice ongoing distress, changes in behaviour, or something just feels “off,” reach out to their kaiako, SENCO, or learning support team. Early, open communication with school staff helps you all work together to support your tamaiti wellbeing.

Remember

Tears or clinging at drop-off don’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. These moments are simply your child’s way of releasing big feelings. When you stay calm, validate their experience, and guide them through it, you’re helping build resilience and deepening their trust in your connection, a bond that will support them long after that first day of school.

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