Giving Our Tamariki The Skills to Name What They’re Feeling

Giving Our Tamariki The Skills to Name What They’re Feeling

Naming emotions might seem like a pretty small skill, but for our youngest tamariki, it’s an absolute game-changer. When tamariki can recognise and name what’s going on inside, they’re one step closer to being able to manage those big feelings.

Why it matters

Emotional literacy, the ability to recognise, understand, name, and eventually regulate emotions, is a key building block of our wellbeing. It’s just as important as learning to walk, talk, or count. When we help our tamariki tune in to what’s happening inside them, we’re building the skills they’ll need for life: resilience, empathy, and emotional regulation.

When we give that feeling a name

“You’re really disappointed we can’t go to the park today” 

We’re not only helping them feel understood. We’re also helping their brain connect emotion with language, which over time reduces the overwhelm and helps them begin to regulate. As neuroscientist Dr Daniel Siegel says, you need to be able to “name it to tame it.”

It’s not about fixing the feeling

It’s easy to feel like our job is to cheer our kids up or solve whatever’s wrong. But when it comes to emotions, our presence and validation matters far more than our solutions. When we say, “I see you. That’s hard” we’re helping our children feel safe in their emotions, and that’s what builds emotional literacy in the long term.

Simple, everyday ways to support emotional learning

You don’t need flashcards or a psychology degree to help your toddler learn about feelings. In fact, the most powerful emotional learning happens during the everyday moments, like when you’re putting on shoes, reading a bedtime story, or watching them melt down over the wrong colour bowl.

Here are a few low-cost, age-appropriate ways to help toddlers and young tamariki name what they’re feeling:

1. Talk about your own emotions (in age-appropriate ways)

Model the language of emotions by sharing how you’re feeling, using simple, non-scary language:

“I was feeling a little annoyed before, but I took some deep breaths and now I feel calmer.”

This helps normalise feelings and shows our tamariki that emotions aren’t something to be afraid of. Just remember: toddlers don’t need to, or in fact shouldn’t be carrying our feelings for us. The aim is to model emotional honesty - showing that it’s okay to have feelings, and it’s okay to share them.

2. Use books to explore feelings together

Picture books are an incredible tool for emotional learning. Try choosing stories with characters that go through emotional moments, whether that be joy, fear, sadness, anger it doesn’t matter, what does is pausing to ask tamariki:

“How do you think she felt when that happened?”

“What made them feel better?”

“Have you ever felt like that?”

“What do you think might make her feel better”

You don’t have to have all the answers. These questions simply help kids start to notice and make sense of feelings.

3. Name the emotion you’re seeing

When your child is upset, name the emotion you think they might be feeling, not to label or judge, but to offer understanding. Be gentle with this and ensure you follow it up with some affirmation:

“You’re really frustrated that your block tower fell down, hey? That’s totally okay though, I would be too!”

“Are you feeling shy with all these new people? That’s totally okay”

Sometimes you’ll get it wrong, and that’s okay! You can try again or ask, “Does that sound right?” Over time, this is going to help your tamariki build an emotional vocabulary they can use for themselves.

Visual resources to support the journey

As your tamaiti grows, you might want to add some visual supports to help make emotions more concrete. Here are two beautiful resources we love:

  • How Do I Feel? Box Set of Cards
    This set includes 65 emotion cards with a range of fun and creative illustrations - perfect for helping tamariki put words to their feeling. You can use them during quiet play, to check in after a big feeling, or as a bedtime wind-down.
  • Kuwi and Friends Emotion Magnets
    These magnets are a fun, friendly way to help tamariki name and show how they’re feeling. Pop them on the fridge for an easy daily check-in, or use them to spark conversations after kindy or kura. Perfect for some kōrero while cooking dinner, try prompts like “which magnet are you feeling like right now?” or “which magnet were you feeling like on the weekend at Aaron’s birthday?”

Emotional skills are life skills

All of this might seem small in the moment, maybe even meaningless, but it’s truly powerful. When we help our tamariki name and understand their emotions, we’re doing more than supporting them through toddlerhood. We’re giving them a tool they’ll use throughout their whole life, in friendships, in school, and eventually, in their adult relationships too.

So the next time there’s a meltdown over a banana, take a breath and remember: this is the work. This is where emotional resilience is built, one big feeling at a time.

Some other resources we love:

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