Celebrating Success: Praise and Encouragement

Whether it’s learning to tie a shoelace, speaking up in class, showing kindness to a sibling, or acing Saturday morning netball, our tamariki are doing brave, brilliant, and hard things every single day. And when we notice those moments and celebrate them, it sends a powerful message:

“I’m proud of you. I love you.” or “You’re amazing. I’m so proud of you.”

Celebrating success and offering encouragement isn’t just about making kids feel good. It plays a key role in building their confidence, resilience, and emotional wellbeing. Let's explore how praise and encouragement support our tamariki, and how we can make those moments meaningful, without always reaching for treats or monetary rewards.

Why encouragement matters

Tamariki thrive on connection. When we acknowledge their efforts and achievements, we reinforce the values we care about and help them see themselves in a positive light.

Genuine praise and encouragement:

• Builds self-esteem and a strong sense of identity
• Encourages intrinsic motivation (doing something because it feels good inside, not just for a reward)
• Strengthens relationships and emotional safety
• Reinforces the behaviours we want to see more of
  

It's not about over-the-top praise for everything, but about being genuinely present and specific when something is worth celebrating.

Praise that sticks: what it sounds like

The most powerful praise isn’t always loud or dramatic - it’s specific, genuine, and focused on effort, growth, and/or values.

Instead of:

“Good job!”

Try:

“You kept going even when it was tricky - that shows real determination.”

“That was such a kind thing to do. You really thought about their feelings.”

“You remembered to feed the dog without being asked - I’m really proud of your responsibility.”

“I noticed you took a deep breath before answering. That was a brave moment.”

This kind of encouragement helps tamariki connect their actions to something, like our values and strengths, whether that be kindness, courage, or perseverance, rather than tamariki simply seeking the praise to please the adults around them.

Do we need to reward success with stuff?

It can be tempting to reach for a treat, sticker, or toy to say “well done” - and rewards like these can have a place. But they’re not the only, or even the most powerful, way to celebrate success.

In fact, research and experience tell us that genuine, thoughtful praise often goes further than any reward ever could. Why? Because it strengthens the relationship between you and your tamariki, creating lifelong impacts. 

When we celebrate success with words, smiles, and attention, it helps tamariki feel:

• Seen and valued for who they are, not just what they do
• Proud of their effort, not just motivated by the prize
• Secure and connected, knowing they matter to us

While a lollipop or toy might offer short-term excitement, praise and connection help build long-term self-worth and a lasting sense of capability. Since we know that ultimately, what tamariki often want most is our attention, acknowledgement, and time.

This doesn’t mean we never use physical rewards. Sometimes they’re fun, especially for celebrating big milestones or trying something really hard. But they don’t need to be the go-to. In many cases, your words, your presence, and your delight are the most meaningful rewards your child can receive.

What kinds of things can we celebrate?

Not just achievements, but also:

• Effort and persistence: “You didn’t give up, even when it was frustrating.”
• Kindness and empathy: “You really helped your friend feel better.”
• Creativity and curiosity: “That was such a cool and interesting idea. Tell me more!”
• Trying something new: “It’s not easy to try new things, but you gave it a go.”
• Courage in small moments: “I know that was hard. You did it anyway. I’m proud of you”
  

Success looks different for every tamaiti. For one child, it might be getting a merit certificate. For another, it might be getting through the school day without a meltdown. Celebrate what matters to them.

Encouragement beyond words

Not all celebration has to be verbal. It can also be:

• Spending time together doing something your child loves
• Leaving a note in their lunchbox - we love this template from Wildling Books for this
• Framing their art or putting it on the fridge
• Sharing their success with whānau or community - “Nana would love to hear about this!”
  

Keep it grounded, keep it real

We don’t have to cheer for every little thing, and praise doesn’t need to be perfect. The key is authenticity and connection. Children can feel when we’re really tuned in and when our pride in them is genuine.

Sometimes, just a gentle “I saw that. That was awesome.” is enough to light them up inside.

Some Other Resources We Love

• The Strength Switch by Dr. Lea Waters
  This strengths-based parenting approach helps parents focus on what’s going right and how to build confidence in our tamariki.
• The Incredible Years Parenting Programme
  This evidence-based programme offers guidance on using encouragement and praise to support positive behaviour. Often available free through local services in Aotearoa through funding from the Ministry of Education.