You Know Your Rangatahi Best: Navigating Screen Time With Confidence

It’s easy to worry about how much time our teens are spending on their phones, tablets, or gaming consoles. Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking: Are they addicted? Why can’t they just go outside? Should I be stricter?

Screen time can feel like one of the trickier parts of parenting rangatahi. But the goal isn’t to get rid of it completely. Screens are part of their world, a space where they learn, connect, relax, and explore. Instead of starting with fear or blame, we can start by asking: What is this screen giving my teen right now?

Once we understand the why behind the screen time, we’re better equipped to support them in healthy ways, including setting some realistic, respectful boundaries along the way.

What’s the Screen Actually Giving Them?

Think about your teen when they’re on their screen, what are they actually doing?

Use this as a quick reflection:

• Are they chatting with friends after school or on group chats?
• Are they watching videos or TikToks that make them laugh, think, or feel seen?
• Are they gaming with friends, working as a team, solving problems, having fun?
• Are they using it to escape from stress, loneliness, or tough feelings?
• Are they scrolling mindlessly, unsure what else to do with their time?

If you aren’t sure, that’s okay, have the kōrero with them. You don’t have to ask them all these questions at once, in fact, it’s best you don’t as they might feel you’re prying, but these are the types of pātai (questions) that help us understand what need the screen is meeting. When we see it clearly, we can respond with empathy, not just rules.

Think too, why do you use devices? What do they offer you? 

Can That Need Be Met in Other Ways?

Once we know why they’re reaching for the screen, we can gently support them to find other ways to fill those same needs. Not in a controlling or judgmental way, but by offering real, human alternatives.

Here’s how that might look:

• If they game to connect → Could they invite a friend over for a sleepover or board game night, and you supply the snacks?
• If they scroll to relax → Could they learn a calming offline habit too (like sketching, adult colouring, playing music, or going for a walk)?
• If they text to feel close to people → Could you help them find spaces where they feel that same connection face-to-face (youth group, a sport, volunteering)?
• If they watch content that speaks to their identity → Can you acknowledge how powerful that is, and explore offline ways to explore that part of themselves?

Now remember, we’re not trying to replace screens entirely but we are helping our teens build a more balanced world.

Why’s Balance Important - What’s the Impact on Their Wellbeing?

While screens can be a source of connection, creativity, and fun, they can also affect our rangatahi in ways that aren’t always obvious straight away.

Too much time online can impact:

• Sleep - The blue light from screens (especially before bed) can mess with their natural sleep cycles, making it harder to fall or stay asleep. Less sleep means less resilience and focus during the day.
• Mood - Constant comparison on social media or overstimulation from gaming can contribute to anxiety, irritability, or low mood. It can feel like there’s no time or space to just be.
• Physical health - More screen time often means less movement. That can impact everything from energy levels to posture and eyesight.
• Real-world connection - When most interaction is digital, teens may miss out on learning in-person social skills - things like reading body language, navigating awkward moments, and feeling part of a real-life group.

This doesn’t mean we panic or go cold turkey. But it’s a reminder to stay curious, and check in with our teens around how their screen habits are making them feel.

Gently Assessing Screen Habits as a Whānau

Rather than diving into restrictions, it can help to reflect together on how screens are working in your family, and what might need adjusting.

Some simple ways to start:

• Do a family screen time audit
  Take one day to notice and jot down when, where, and how screens are used. Talk about what you notice, without blame
  

  “I didn’t realise I was checking my phone that much in the evenings!”

• Talk about the research with them
  Or better yet, do the research together. Talk about how you’re concerned about everyone in your whānau screen time and because of this, you’d like to do some research. This could be the perfect time to have these kōrero about why they use their devices and together decide how much is too much screen time.
• Include your teen in setting the tone
  Teens are more likely to respond to limits that feel fair and collaborative. Try:
  

  “What do you think would be a good amount of screen time during the week? What about the weekend?”
  “How do you feel after a big scroll or gaming session - is there a limit that would feel good to you?”

And Us? We Set the Example

It’s not always easy, but it matters. Our tamariki and rangatahi are watching us. How we use screens, how often, how present we are, how we put them away, we’re setting the tone for the whole whānau.

Try taking a pause for a moment and asking yourself:

• Am I modelling downtime that isn’t always digital?
• Do I check my phone at the dinner table, in bed, or during conversations?
• Have I explained why I sometimes put my phone away and how good that feels
• When I’m tired or stressed, do I reach for my screen or something else?
  

This kind of modelling is especially powerful before our teens have full access to screens themselves. But even if they’re already deep in the digital world, it’s never too late to shift our own habits.

Some Kōrero Starters

“What do you love doing on your screen lately?”
“Do you ever notice it makes you feel a bit off?”
“Is there something you wish we did more of as a whānau that isn’t screen-based?”
“Do you think we use screens a lot as a family? How could we change that together?”

Some Other Resources We Love

• We love the Blue Book from Digital Waitaha. This resource offers support beyond screentime and walks you through the other things we need to consider as parents - think online safety, online bullying, and possible addiction if your young person is using their device too much