Anxiety in the Teen Years

Anxiety in the Teen Years

Anxiety is something every one of us experiences. It’s our body’s built-in alarm system, designed to keep us safe. But for our rangatahi, that alarm can sometimes feel like it’s going off too often or too loud and as a parent, it’s not always easy to know whether it’s just part of the normal ups and downs of adolescence or a sign they might need more support.

Everyday worries vs. something bigger

All teenagers worry. Exams, friendships, fitting in, the future - it’s part of growing up! But when worries stick around, feel overwhelming, or get in the way of daily life, it might be more than just “normal stress.” Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health challenges for young people, and they often look a bit different from what parents expect.

At its simplest, what is teen anxiety?

How anxiety shows up in teenagers

We often picture anxiety as a nervous, worried teen. But it can look different for everyone:

  • Irritability and anger - a short fuse can sometimes be anxiety in disguise.
  • Avoidance - skipping school, putting off homework, or withdrawing from friends may be attempts to escape anxious feelings.
  • Perfectionism - setting impossibly high standards and being very self-critical can sometimes be driven by anxious thoughts.
  • Physical symptoms - headaches, stomach aches, or trouble sleeping are common signs of an anxious body.

Recognising these signs helps us meet our teens with understanding and support rather than frustration.

What contributes to teen anxiety?

Every young person is different, but some common factors can make anxiety more likely:

Biology

Some rangatahi are naturally more sensitive. Their brains and nervous systems may react more strongly to stress, noise, or social pressure. This sensitivity can be a real strength, these are often the kids who are thoughtful, empathetic, and creative - but it can also mean they feel anxiety more intensely.

Family history

Anxiety often runs in families. If you or close whānau members have experienced anxiety, your teen may be more vulnerable. This isn’t about blame - it’s about recognising that some of these patterns can be inherited, and knowing this can make it easier to understand your teen’s experience.

Social pressures 

Friendships, fitting in, and finding their place in the world are huge tasks for adolescents. Add in the influence of social media - constant comparison, pressure to present a “perfect” self, and fear of missing out, and it’s easy to see why worries can spiral. These pressures can feel massive, even if they don’t always make sense from the outside.

Life changes

Transitions like starting high school, moving house, experiencing family separation, or even shifting friend groups can unsettle teens. They’re learning to navigate new environments while still developing coping skills. For some, these changes spark feelings of uncertainty that tip into anxiety.

What we can do as parents

Watching your teenager struggle with anxiety can feel overwhelming — but your relationship with them is one of the most powerful protective factors they have. You don’t need to have all the answers. Being present, steady, and compassionate makes a huge difference. Here are some ways parents can support:

Stay connected, even when they push away

Teens may not always show it, but knowing you’re there for them provides a sense of safety and belonging. Simple things like checking in, sitting together, or sharing a meal can build trust.

Listen without judgment

Resist the urge to jump in with solutions straight away.

Instead, try

“That sounds really tough” 

or

“I can see why that would feel stressful.”

Feeling understood helps anxiety soften.


Normalise the experience

Let them know that anxiety is common and not a sign that something is “wrong” with them. Sharing your own small worries (without overwhelming them) can help normalise it.

Encourage facing fears gently

Avoidance makes anxiety grow stronger. Support your teen to take small, manageable steps toward the things that make them anxious, celebrating effort rather than outcomes.

Help them build healthy routines

Sleep, movement, and balanced nutrition all support emotional wellbeing. Sometimes the basics are the biggest helpers.

Model calm coping strategies

Teens learn a lot by watching us. Showing how you manage stress (taking deep breaths, going for a walk, writing things down) can give them tools to try.

Know when to seek extra support

If anxiety is stopping your teen from living their daily life, affecting school, friendships, or their health, reaching out to a GP, counsellor, or mental health service is a positive next step.

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