Why Chores Build More Than Clean Houses

Why Chores Build More Than Clean Houses

Most parents we know agree that, when it comes to chores, the gap between what we imagine and what really happens can be pretty big. We picture cheerful tamariki tidying up their toys, helping set the table, maybe even folding their washing with a smile like in Mary Poppins. The reality? More often, it’s reminders on repeat, a bit of eye-rolling, or simply stepping over the same pile of shoes in the hallway for the third time that day.

So why do we keep at it? Why not just do the jobs ourselves and save the hassle?

Because chores aren’t just about a cleaner kitchen or a folded basket of laundry. They’re about growing skills, building confidence, and helping tamariki understand what it means to be part of a team - part of a whānau.

Why chores matter (beyond the clean house)

Giving our tamariki jobs to do at home is one of the simplest, most practical ways we can set them up for life. The benefits go well beyond the immediate help:

  • Life skills that last: From cooking to cleaning to managing laundry, kids learn the everyday skills they’ll rely on as adults.
  • Responsibility: Contributing to household tasks shows tamariki that being part of a whānau means everyone pitches in.
  • Confidence and independence: Completing a task, even a small one, gives tamariki a sense of pride - I can do this, I am capable.
  • Empathy: Helping out nurtures an awareness of other people’s needs. A child who helps their sibling or sets the table for the whānau is learning to notice and respond with care.
  • Resilience: Some jobs are boring, some are hard, and some need to be done again and again. Chores help kids practice perseverance, even when it isn’t fun.

And let’s be honest: the benefits aren’t just for the kids. Sharing the workload creates more breathing room for us as parents, less stress, and more time for connection.

Shifting how we see chores

One of the biggest mindset shifts we can make as parents is to stop thinking of chores as a punishment. Instead, they’re opportunities - chances for tamariki to contribute, to feel valued, and to learn.

Toddlers often want to help. Give them a cloth and they’ll happily wipe the table alongside you or help dust while you vacuum. School-aged kids start to take pride in having 'their jobs.' And teens, while they might not show it, benefit from the clear message: You’re trusted. You’re capable. Your contributions matter.

It’s not about perfection; streaky dishes and lopsided beds are part of the process. What matters most is participation.

How to make chores work (without endless nagging)

Some days it feels like nagging is the only way. But there are gentler approaches that can make chores part of the rhythm of family life:

  • Start small: Keep tasks age-appropriate and break them into manageable steps. “Put your toys in this basket” works better than “tidy your room.”
  • Make it visible: Chore charts, job wheels, or family boards can make expectations clear and give kids the satisfaction of ticking things off while also keeping things fun.
  • Involve them in decisions: Kids are often more willing when they’ve had a say in which jobs are ‘theirs.’
  • Notice their effort: A simple, “Thanks, that really helped” can do more than a gold star. Feeling appreciated makes kids more likely to keep helping.
  • Keep it playful: For younger kids, turn chores into a game or race. For older kids, play music or set a timer to make it feel less like a slog.
  • Pick your moment: Expecting chores when kids are tired or hungry is a recipe for meltdowns. Timing makes a difference.

Pocket money, rewards, or just part of family life?

This is one of those questions parents often wonder about. Should chores be tied to pocket money, or should they simply be part of contributing to the family?

There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Some whānau link everyday jobs to pocket money to teach the value of earning and saving. Others keep chores separate from money, making them just part of being in the family, while offering rewards for extra tasks.

What matters most is consistency. Be clear about your expectations and stick with what feels right for your values and your family.

What’s right for their age?

The “right chores” look different at different stages. Here are some age-appropriate ideas:

  • Preschoolers: setting the table with cutlery, helping water plants, sorting socks, helping put groceries away.
  • School-age kids: making their bed, packing their school bag, folding laundry, helping cook, and watering plants
  • Tweens & teens: doing their own laundry, cleaning the bathroom, cooking a full meal, mowing lawns, helping with grocery shopping.

We love this full list of age-appropriate chores from Real Parents

The heart of it all

Yes, chores make a house run more smoothly. But really, they’re about something much bigger. They’re about teaching tamariki that they are capable, that their efforts matter, and that being part of a whānau means looking out for each other.

So when your child helps, whether it’s wiping down a bench, unpacking the dishwasher, or just putting their shoes by the door, it’s worth pausing to notice it. Those small contributions, repeated over time, help raise kids who believe in themselves and in the value of helping others.

Because at the end of the day, chores aren’t just about clean houses. They’re about resilient, independent tamariki who have the life skills to succeed. 

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