8 Ways to Navigate Grief with Our Little Ones

No matter our age, when we are navigating grief, it may feel different every day. Whether it’s the first day or ten years later, grief has its way of making itself known. As whānau, friends and caregivers, we can help tamariki work through the sometimes confusing and complex waves of emotions.

Below are eight ways we can walk alongside children through grief, in simple, practical ways that help make sense of big emotions. 

1. Expressing feelings 

One of the most important aspects of the grief journey is to make sure emotions are expressed. When a moment triggers grief, take a moment, stop, honour and acknowledge the moment, whether that be through tears and sadness, or sharing a memory the moment has triggered.

Sharing the moment of missing their loved one, validating their emotions openly, and showing that grief is allowed to be expressed is the perfect way to ensure the journey is healthy and natural. 

2. Writing notes and letters

Writing special messages and keeping them in a memory box is another practical way to share memories of a loved one. It is also a creative activity you can do together; you might choose a special box and decorate it with paint, stickers or special words. This ensures there is a safe outlet for thoughts and emotions in a creative way, when it’s difficult to express them out loud.

3. Choosing a star

Selecting a special star in the night sky to represent a loved one helps create a familial connection. This offers comfort and a sense of ongoing presence. Each time you see the star, you can point, acknowledge and even share a memory at the time.

4. Planting a tree

Planting a tree becomes a living tribute, demonstrating that love continues to grow after someone has passed away. The joy of watching it change as the seasons progress, and knowing that it is always there, can be an anchor in moments of grief and remembrance.

5. Creating keepsakes

Finding and painting a heart-shaped or other specially chosen stone gives children a tangible reminder of a loved one. Going to a beach or river together to hunt for the perfect stone and decorating and keeping it somewhere close is a tangible way to remember a loved one.  

 

6. Commemorating special occasions

Our memories honour our loved ones, and finding ways to integrate those memories into new moments can be uplifting. Lighting a candle on birthdays and special occasions, or sharing a story, keeps those memories and love fresh, while celebrating as the loved one would want. This reassures our children that love doesn’t end with loss - it lives on in our hearts and memories forever. Ensuring our loved ones are acknowledged, recognises their permanence and importance within the family group.  

 

7. Share precious memories

It is meaningful to share memories, keep communication open, and create safe spaces for feelings that can arise suddenly and without warning. Encouraging children to share stories, draw pictures or look through photos together helps them understand that remembering is part of healing. Hearing friends and family members speak about their loved one with affection helps our children feel connected, comforted and supported as they navigate their own feelings of loss.  

8. Making new memories

When the time is right, creating new happy experiences with family, caregivers and friends will balance remembrance with healing and moving forward. Having some positive events and places to look forward to helps ease the sadness in those early days, helping to reintroduce joy as the days and years go by.