The Checking Method - Supporting Tamariki to Sleep in Their Own Bed
When whānau tell us they're struggling to help their tamariki fall asleep independently, whether that's because they don't want to stay in their own bed, keep getting up to find you, or need you to stay in the room until they fall asleep, one of the first strategies we recommend trying is the checking method.
The checking method is a research-informed approach that supports tamariki to fall asleep independently in their own bed. It can be used from around 6 months of age right through the primary school years. We've seen it work well for tamariki up to around 8 years old, though it can also be helpful for older children who are going through a stage where they're finding independent sleep challenging.
Before we jump into the steps, it's worth remembering that (like most things with parenting) there isn't a magic fix. It’s generally recommended you stick with the checking method for at least two weeks before deciding whether it's working for your whānau.
1. When your child goes to bed
Once your child is in bed and ready to go to sleep, tell them goodnight and tell them that you’ll be back to check on them in two minutes. This might simply mean waiting quietly in the hallway for two minutes before returning. The key here is to be back and check on them before they get out of the bed to come find you or start crying.
2. Return to the room
Return, but keep the interaction calm and only stay for a minute. Don’t play, don’t chat, just check-in, rub their back for a minute, remind them it’s time to go to sleep. Then leave again, telling them you’ll be back to check on them in two minutes.
3. Repeat
After a few successful checks at two-minute intervals, you might increase the time to five minutes. The following night you could begin with five-minute intervals before gradually increasing to ten minutes. If your child starts becoming more upset or begins getting out of bed again, simply shorten the intervals until they're feeling more settled.
Now remember
It's completely okay if progress isn't perfectly linear. Some nights will feel easier than others, and that's a normal part of learning a new sleep routine. If things become more difficult again, simply shorten the checking intervals and keep responding in the same calm, predictable way.
The goal isn't to teach your tamaiti that they're on their own. The goal is to help them learn they can fall asleep independently while knowing you're still close by and available if they need reassurance.